Trying not to stress it

My grades for last week came in slowly last night. The first assignment was only worth 10pts, I got all 10. That was easy enough, if I'd not done well at an Autobiography post then I'd be worried for myself.
Assignment two wasn't graded right off the bat, it's worth 100 pts..
Assignment three, was also worth 100 points. I got a 90/100. Yikes, I cringed at the grade. I'd never done gesture drawings (all under 4 minutes) of people before! Let alone with live models (for five of them) or pictures of nude models (for the first five). So, I guess maybe it wasn't too bad. Yet the overall score was what hit me hardest. 90.91%... A-.. A-... I tried not to hyperventilate. I have the rest of the class to pick that up right? Right?! I had to sit here and breathe, slowly, for a good 15-20 minutes not to break down, start crying, and declare I was just going to quit.

I made it through alright.
I got the grade for assignment 2 this morning. 95/100. Not too bad at all, considering I rarely draw people from life and it's usually just from my head (thank goodness I want to draw cartoon characters, they don't need perfection like this. @_@;; ). The best part is that it brought my grade up to a 92.86%. That's an A! Sure a low one, but it's an A! Enough to keep my 4.0 if I can keep getting decent grades on at least half of my assignments. *shudder*

An A for my school is 92%-100%. My usual, goal is 100%.. no matter what. But I knew there was no way that I would manage it in this class. Oh man... An A- is 90%-91.9% *sigh*

I don't want to go down there. My goal is to graduate, despite everything else, with that 4.0. It's my goal as part of my... well trying not to give up and suck at things like I do with most other things. You know? I know that when I only go 1/2 to 3/4 time (in the winter, when my depression is even worse, I go to 1/2 time for my sanity. Spring and Summer I manage 3/4 time..) that I don't get on honor roll with that 4.0. It's for me, really.. and what little ego I have.

Blech!

My assignment that was due today was hellishly difficult. More so considering I've never attempt to draw this before.
I had to draw two skeleton drawings. One front, one back, using proper proportion and detailing. @_@;
Then I had to draw two human  muscular system drawings, one front and one back, proper proportion and detailing. I hope I get at least a 93% on the assignment.. more would be nice, but I am questionable on if I'll even manage that. *sigh*

You want to see?

No?
Well, sorry I'm showing anyway. >.>

These took, a fair few hours. Though the back muscular drawing probably only took 1 1/2  hours actually. The front took awhile, and the skeletons took about 3 1/2 - 4 hours each? o.o

I'm also absolutely awful at photographing my artwork. >.> I don't have the proper sized scanner for 11 x 14 inch drawing paper. I also haven't made it out of the house since Wednesday. Otherwise, I'd have gone to Kinko's or something so they could scan it and charge me like $1 a pic.. >.> *ahem*

I still don't know. I thought I'd do better on the gestural drawings last week. So I'm just nervous all around on what is going to happen to me grade wise despite my best efforts you know?

Due Monday, some more gestural sketches. Though two with 1 minute time limits, two with 3 minute time limits, and two with 15 minute time limits which means I get more detail  in. o.O okie dokie.

*sigh*
Super duper stressed. I've posted the drawings. I suppose I could have worked on them up until the last minute, but sometimes I overwork things (drawings) and then I completely ruin them entirely. Which would mean I'd just have to redo one of them. I don't have the time for that. I've been drawing so much and hunched over my drawing pad that my back and shoulders are absolutely killing me. Once the kids are in bed, I am going to go take a nice long hot shower and set my shower head to the massage setting and let it attempt to pound away some of this stress.

Tomorrow, BF leaves for Sydney. After an overnight there, he'll be leaving there for here come the 1st. He'll arrive here on my 1st. Even though he'll have been flying for a long time. Poor guy. All this effort for me and I don't even think I'm worth it.

My birthday is in a week. That's why he's coming.
I don't want to get another year older. I'm not ready for that yet. >.> Can time stop while I fix my issues please? Everything else just freeze while everyone suffering BPD gets as long as they need to fix their issues? Okay okay, that's selfish. I can admit that it's completely selfish.

Right now, the poor dear is at work, working his last shift before his vacation to come here.

He'll be faced with tons of snow. It still wont go away. My poor poor Aussie..

*sigh*

I want coffee. :P

-Shattered