19 February, 2011

Just incapable.

Okay, perhaps I am not doing well on the Wellbutrin?
Is it supposed to make it so I desire to do things??
As I don't desire to do much more than lounge in my bed today, here on my laptop.
I don't want to clean house. The dishes should do themselves, laundry should fold itself, the vacuum should run itself when I am not here because the noise already hurts my constantly ringing ears.

I'm bored, I'm boring, I'm lazy. I have no idea what I am anymore. I'm struggling just to draw, or do anything pleasurable.

I'm behind on my personal art project and have missed my deadline for weeks now. My deadline was once a week, put something up on it. A project which I cannot name since that'll give too much of who I am away.
That could cause problems in my life right now.
I can't do that.

1/4 of a Trazadone helped me sleep last night without the hangover! Woo! That was glorious.

I emailed my student advisor at school and asked about changing instructors.
I am going to call the school disability office to see what kind of things they can do to help me with my issue that I have with vague instructions and my difficulty with them and teachers who lack the desire to clarify in a timely enough manner that I can get things done.

Yes, I know they have other students. But why can they post in the class threads, ignore the 'questions for professor' area, and ignore email when they say they're available from 9am - 10pm? There are maybe 10 of us students, it really doesn't take too long to respond to a question.


I'm feeling upset and just sleepy again.
I think perhaps my biggest thing right now is, for 21 nights my sleeping was EVEN WORSE than normal. So I am just overall exhausted. Unrested, just needing to catch up on sleep which from what I read is actually possible to do. My body just wants to recuperate from all the stress I've been under and how awful Wellbutrin was making my already awful sleep!

Two good nights do not make up for years of awful sleep then 21 days of even worse sleep. More so when one of those good nights left me hung over?

I have no idea. Maybe none of these medications are what I need. I have no idea, I'm frustrated, upset, and need a magic wand. Make it all go away. Please, just make it all go away so I don't have to struggle like this anymore. I don't want to play the 'what ,medication do you need' dance, for how long/ How log until we find something that works for me? I have no idea..
I don't LIKE not having any idea.

I think I may head to nap.


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