23 February, 2011

The medicine dance

I'm caught up within it.

Now I am to go off Wellbutrin and get to start on Cymbalta, 30mg. Blah.
I guess it's an SNRI? Which is different than an SSRI? She's guessing because other SSRI's haven't really done the best with me, that I need something different. Ugh...

I go back in three weeks, to see how I am doing on it. Dear god I wish I wasn't doing the medicine dance when BF will be here TUESDAY! I wanted to be, happy, better, not like this... by the time he got here. What's so hard about that? Is it too much to ask to be out of this? Hell, no wonder I felt like the darkness was swallowing me up again, it's because Wellbutrin and I aren't friends indeed it WAS!

By the way, I am having extreme's with my damn time of the month irritability right now. Holy hell am I ever.

I hate the snow! HATE HATE HATE it!

We have like 7? inches out there right now and are expecting another 4-8 between tonight and tomorrow afternoon. I'm sorry, but if school doesn't close like it should (the roads are ice skating rinks now ffs!!) I am just going to call the kids out for their safety, and my mental well being. Sorry, when the weather blows this much at the end of Feb.. everyone can basically kiss my butt. I've done enough with the stupid snow and the ice and the crappy roads.


Therapy, didn't go well today. Because I feel like shit, and the snow sucks and I'm downer than hell and I just want to give up on life and be absolutely done.

I didn't tell her what I did the other night/early morning.Nope nope I didn't at all.

STILL she asked if she needed to get me put in the hospital. "No no I'll be fine, besides I can't afford it."

"They can't turn you away"

"What? So then I'd have even MORE medical debt, and need to go bankrupt. But then you know, it costs $2000 to go bankrupt. Here you're poorer than fuck and they expect you to have $2000 just to go bankrupt to prove how poor you are? How does that fucking make sense??"

Then I was crying again.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be fine, I just hope these meds start to help me feel a little better. Also, I'd like it to rain, that'd help a lot too!"

"You sure?"

"Yeah.. I'm sure..."


I'm mostly sure anyway.

That's good enough, right?

BF is awesome... very awesome.. even if I suck and am whiney and all that shit..
He's awesome.


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