09 May, 2011

Worn thin.

That's what I am.
I finally told the kids that one of the reasons (the major reason), that I don't like spending time out of my room with them is that I feel do disrespected. They sigh, they roll their eyes, they argue, when it comes to taking care of their things and throwing away their own garbage. As if they expect that either one, a magically fairy will clean their messes or two that I am the one who has to clean them because I am not worth more than taking care of what they do not want to take care of themselves.

They have two weeks to get on top of their things before it's a clean sweep. Garbage bags will take things not respected and that will be it. It will be gone, and they wont get things again until they can start respecting me, this house, and what they do have left. I told them that I loathe holidays because I know that things given will be disrespected. That I know no one really cares about it, that there are kids out there who get nothing that would flip at even a small portion of what EX and I have tried so hard to make sure the kids to get have.

EX and I grew up poor. EX more so than I did, he spent many years living in a van with his mother. Yes, he has issues after it.
But we try so hard to make sure these kids do not suffer and feel left out and with want on holidays and birthdays. They don't have the latest and greatest and everything in the world. But they have more than I did even when my biodad was living with us and we were rather well off even! Which we currently are not, yet they don't seem to recognize that.

I know that they're children, but at this point. I am considering cutting back holidays and birthdays so they can realize how spoiled they've been. Which yes, I recognize is the fault of EX and I. Though we've tried many times to get them to take care of their things and understand feeling appreciative and taking care of what they do have. *sigh* I really hope they get it. So I don't have to go so drastic as to take things away.

It's awful when your own children make you feel as unwanted, uncared about, and unimportant as your own family made you feel as a child...


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