That was a BAD idea

So, my sleep has been SHIT since that whole blow up with my parents thing that ended up better for THEM than it did for ME as it fucked my life up for an entire week and I didn't even get to have a therapy session that week because Dr. L's son was getting married so she couldn't and I was busy that day any way because of a special big ass school show for the oldest and like all the 4 - 6th grade students and her special choir and all that jazz.

AHHH!!!!



So the night before last I went to bed seriously at 11pm, and then horror of horror the kids woke me up at 730 on a SATURDAY which is illegal here. Seriously, you all should KNOW it's illegal to wake mom up EARLY on the weekend when she has to all week. You KNOW I am not a morning person. Go away!
So last night I went to bed at seriously 930pm. Yes, 930pm, which is considered INSANELY early in my standards.. yet I woke up at 215am because I was sorta cold and I remembered I left my mobile clear across the house and that made me nervous for some reason because I always sleep with it close.

Anyway I figured maybe I was so tired because of my medication so on Friday I was idiotic and decided FUCK IT ALL! I'M GETTING OFF OF THIS!

Which was a REALLY REALLY REALLY bad idea because going down from 60MG to 30MG of Cymbalta was like being drugged on something insanely fucking strange and I felt like complete and total shit. Woah.. So... After trying the same yesterday and still feeling like pure hell I took the other 30 (because we raised me up to 60mg after I got 4 months of free 30mg.. so I have to take two 30mgs..) and I was all "okay fine I'll go back on it and give it a couple more months and took another one.

I feel better this morning sleep wise.

I'm sleeping in my bed again.

Today we're throwing the youngest her birthday party over at McDonalds and her cake was seriously expensive and her dad is going to be PISSED at me for what I got her for her birthday but oh well I think she'll love it and maybe he'll be pissed about what BF got her but again he can GTFH for all I care and I have homework to do but I just wanted to write that..



I'm totally sucking and falling apart lately and I have no idea what to do with myself anymore and I had a minor freakout over five months of suffering if that rapture thing really happened but then it couldn't have because on Friday here it would have been Saturday and therefore rapture day over where BF is and BF is still here because if anyone was being taken it'd be him because he's a fucking SAINT because.. he just is and I'm not because.. I am just not okay?

Then again I don't believe in that and I am not even sure of my religion anyway anymore because I am just lost and have no idea about a lot of things


I have homework I should have worked on yesterday but I was just dying yesterday and I think maybe
I caught up on sleep because right now I feel all energetic like I might explode and woah..

-Shattered