04 April, 2011

emotionally stunted

My emotions are stuck on 'nothing' right now. I want to feel things, but I'm in that place where I don't feel much other than agitation and the desire to do nothing much at all.
Still, my suicidal thoughts aren't there, which means that Cymbalta is helpful at least in it's own way. I will give it that 12 week or so minimum to see if it gets me out of this funk.

Spring break was boring, blessedly the kids let me sleep in until about 11AM every day. They woke up, played, got their own breakfasts, and played some more. They realized I was having a hard time sleeping again, and I appreciate their sweetness.

Things aren't going too well other than that. School started again today for the kids and I and.. meh. I'm just not feeling it. I'm feeling like I should give up. Or stop for a quarter, but, if I do that. Will I ever go back? I don't know. I truly want more than a week or two break I think. Then again, what WOULD I do with myself in that time? Honestly, who knows anymore?!

I'm really agitated. I want to be upset, I want to cry, I want to FEEL DAMNIT.
Other than this agitation.

I want my BF back. He needs to just come back.
We need to figure out this annoyingly complicated immigration process and get him here with me. :(

Well.. I better go do reading for school, lectures and stuff to read and I have an assignment I need to hack out even though it's not really due until Thursday anyway I want to get a hacking at it.
I also really need to figure out what I am going to do with my financial situation. I'm not in a good spot at all. Damn..

I'm getting tired of this, I feel like I'm just thrown in a hole without a rope or ladder in sight to get out of here.


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