17 April, 2011

Those voices/feelings.

Drive into the wall....
Drive into the divider...
Swerve into the Semi-truck....

NO don't!! STOP IT!
STOP IT! You don't want to do that! Don't do it!

It's happening again.
That struggle when I drive, just drive off the road. One part of me says, it's not me, it's some voice. It's something that just says to end it, just do it, crash into it. Going 70 on the freeway. The youngest in the back seat sleeping, the EX sitting there reading his homework while I drive.
Just do it..

Another voice, just little, just a girl, I know she is... just so little. Is upset, don't do it, it's scary, this is all scary. Don't do it..
Just don't do it.

I clench my jaw with determination, scanning the road just to be safe, just keep going, keep an even speed, don't veer from the lane. Don't think that, don't go there, just focus, this moment, just the drive, just being safe, just go.. just go..

Then again after I had got the kids from the ex-h..
All over again, all over again.

The same battle..
Little snippets of my past coming up between it all to haunt me, stay in the moment..
stay in the moment damn it!

I wanted those moments gone for good!

Go away... Go away go away go away!!


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