18 April, 2011

Meds... and changing therapists.

I found a center that costs less per session, and has someone who actually deals with those who have Borderline Personality Disorder!

I called and am waiting for a call back, but they're $15 less a session and.. hey, $15 per is $15 per! Considering the place I go to right now is just.. too much, and I am not really feeling good with Dr. J. at all.. I dunno, she just, can be very abrasive and she says there is no judgment, but I swear there's judgment with the way she talks fairly often.
Hopefully it goes well, and I hear something back soon.

On the 27th I have a "Mental Status Examination" for trying to get on Disability. I'm scared.. blah.. Like I have to do all this all over again. Talk to someone so they can say "oh wow, you're messed up" they have to decide if I'm fucked up enough to help I guess. Meh.

To help with my depression and irritability R and I decided today to up my Cymbalta from 30mg to 60mg and see how it all goes. I guess the highest you can get is 90mg?
She'd rather try and up my dose of Cymbalta (because while I feel better than I've felt on any other medication.. I still feel like shit and not like doing anything at all...)  than try me on something else for my irritability right off the bat, and possibly change up the anti-depressant. Okay, fine, I can handle that.

I DO feel marginally more.. human, as I remember somewhat of how I felt when I was younger? Somewhat, then again the more I dig deep into myself the more I realize when all this started taking place. The BPD that is, the depression though, I know when about that started, when it started to get worse too.. The BPD came first, and the more I think back on my childhood.. the more disturbing little things I've found.

Isn't that .. unhappy? Scary?

Wow, I got a call back, and I have an appointment with the new Therapist! She specializes in BPD, and says she's rather successful in it. I'm so happy I want to cry!
Granted it's at 3 instead of my usual 4.. but I am sure I can make that work, aside from on the 27th.. when I have that other appointment at three..
I think I can talk.. and try and get it.. so that I have a different therapy time next week if it's a good fit.

I am trying to.. think positive,
but I'm also scared at the same time..

I better go cancel my appts with Dr. J..
I'm done with that.



  1. I hope the new therapist works out for you. It is really hard to find someone with experience working with Borderlines as so many therapists have a prejudice against Borderlines. I'm interested in hearing what you think of her as time goes by. I'm also dealing with BPD.

  2. I started my Cymbalta at 60mg and recently went up to 90mg as I felt unmotivated and very low. The 90mg works well - hope you get some relief at the 60mg dose. I'm finding Cymbalta to be wonderful, having tried many other meds in the past. I hope the new therapist works out for you - it's great to find someone who specialises in BPD.

  3. Good luck with the new therapist! I need to look into getting a new one...just too damn attached to the current one :/ Definitely hear ya on the med situation, too -- wish a BPD panacea existed... *hugs* be well...