Low down...

It's one of those days again.
I thought I was feeling better. I'm less weepy than normal, that's for sure. I'm just tired and miserable.
My sleep is absolutely awful, I wonder if that's a large part to do with it?
I really just want a day off from everything and every body.

Just a day where I have no kids to watch after, no homework to do, no housework to do. Just myself and whatever I want. A day of peace, a day of rest, a break like Dr. J wants me to take.. :(

That's... really not likely to happen.



I need to take a day to unplug. Yes, unplug, forget the internet, forget my phone, forget life... just be.

I think next weekend when the kids are gone I need to arrange for the EX to take the youngest for a day and I need to... go camp or something. I don't have a tent though.

I don't have any friends to go visit, I don't have anything like that.
I'm trapped in my own little world which is stressful, but I'm also afraid to go out there and attempt to meet people and make friends because.. Well..

Look at me. Who'd WANT to be friends with me?

Weather sucks again.
Kids are going a little stir crazy. I really do wish the weather was nicer. Even if I get all sorts of panicked and nervous just going outside... I'd much rather stand around while they attempt to learn to ride their bikes (they did really good at it on Friday..) than... just... be here with it rainy and cold.

I hate how I was not so bad off when I was younger. I swear, moving up north from where I was born (Southern California) really did fuck me over in a lot of ways. Including leaving most of my belongings behind, my friends, my school, my childhood more or less, because I was forced to grow up right quick after we moved.

I know.. what is is.. we moved.. it's over, I need to get over it.
I need to accept it.
I know it happened, I know that I hate that it happened, I know that now I need to find a way to get back to a place with weather that doesn't make me feel as bad as the winter does. I want lots of sunshine, sandy beaches, no need for heavy coats and things like that.

Give me the south with warm weather, beaches, fun, and let me heal..
Someday, I will get there. I will work hard to get there.
Yes.. I will. Oh yes. I will!

-Shattered