20 April, 2011

A new therapist

Today I got to see the new Therapist, Dr. L.
Right away she was far nicer and more personable than Dr. J was.

We dug into my past as she wanted to see when things started falling apart. So we dug  into things that happened as far back as I can remember, and pinpointed certain moments in time.
Basically, we have to help the trapped little 4 year old inner child of mine, to move past things and gain a wise mind now.

It wasn't a bad visit at all. She asked why I thought I had BPD. I told her I was diagnosed as it, as well as the story before hand. The one where I was looking up information on Bi-Polar, which is what I was told I had when I was younger, and found out about BPD. Realized that that information pretty much could slap you in the face and say "AND THAT'S HER!" I was all colors of upset, of course, but then convinced myself with the help of BF that there was nooooo way that could possibly be me. Even though.. inside.. I was pretty damn sure.

So I didn't bring it up, of course I didn't, when I talked with R who did the official diagnosis, I didn't even breathe the words "Borderline Personality Disorder". I told her I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar when I was 12, and that I hadn't been treated in many years for various reasons. (My ex-husband does not believe in depression or really most mental illnesses, he feels they're all in your head and that HE could make me happy and all that jazz)

Well we did the long talk and she asked questions I answered and she said those dreaded words. "I don't believe you're Bi-Polar, I believe you have Borderline Personality Disorder."
Of course I wrote about that day here. I cried, I shook, I would have rather died!

I told Dr. J that, and she just acted like I was being foolish and that it was nothing, blowing off the entire thing. Not exactly comforting feeling from her..

Dr. L nodded thoughtfully, a sympathetic look on her face as we talked about how awful various internet forums are and the awful things said about anyone with BPD within them. I guess she's seen those types of places. It's really comforting having someone who actually specialized in BPD to talk with. I hope it works out well!

We'll be seeing each other weekly, Wednesdays at 2pm from now on. It might move down later, to every other week.. but.. I guess we'll see.

Other than that... things are..

Adjusting to the new dose of meds sucks. I  hate having to feel the side effects all over again, basically doubling ones dose can be hard! Holy crap am I still a little out of it here and there and just feel strange.

Good note? I pretty much passed out at 12:40AM last night/this morning. That's... pretty amazing for me really!

Okay okay, I have to run. My son is begging me to beat a monster in the youngest ones save of Chrono Cross because she can't seem to beat him. He's not very patient right now, I just wanted to write..

booger. :P



  1. Dr. L sounds good and I'm glad you get to see her. Good luck with the meds and I hope they help you.

  2. I'm glad you found someone that seems to really listen without judging you straight away. My I doctor is like that and I think she is awesome. I didn't tell my doctor about the BPD when I met her because my admission was for my bipolar depression and it was obvious it was that but when I get better, the BPD stuff came out and she said yes, I do have BPD and I was pretty upset too.