05 April, 2011

What doesn't kill you...

"Makes you stronger."
Or so they say.

I'm starting to think that's a load of crap personally.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am not doing good at all. At all at all at all. I just have no energy, I have a headache. It was 3AM when I finally managed to get to sleep! 3! and I had to be up at 7:30! Of course... I just sort of lay around while the kids got ready and then got them to school, checked school after getting home, then crashed/vegged on the couch while the youngest two played video games/watched cartoons in here.

I've been pretty much completely useless lately.

I need to get homework done, probably tonight, I have no idea.
I need to do something.

Well I DID make it to the store today. I ran out of bread. Okay, we ran out of bread because I had this massive Nutella sandwich craving and had two of them on Sunday. Then another one last night. Then one today. Yeesh. Which also means that even though I bought the large jar of Nutella, it's gone. Thankfully the smaller ones were on sale at Safeway. So I got two of those and it ended up cheaper than the larger jar.

Bla bla bla..
Stuff that no one gives a damn about.

I'm feeling like that. No one gives a fuck right now.
Aside from maybe BF.
Wait, no I know he does.


I'm stressing because I can't afford to pay my bills right now.
You know what? There are 308,000,000 some odd people in the USA. If .50% of them gave me a dollar (yes, half a percent.) I'd have $1,540,000 . That'd be awesome. Hah, it's not likely to ever happen.

I mean, that'd be awesome if it did. But how would you even orchestrate such a thing?

Just stuff that goes through my head at night when I can't sleep and I'm stressing over how the heck I am going to manage to do anything.

Hate the economy, hate my head, head my mental illnesses. Hate my Major Depression, HATE my BPD, HATE my social anxiety. Hate this state, hate this weather.

I even hate myself right now I'm just so fed up with crap.


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