30 March, 2011

strange dreams..

I'm not sure why, but it's the third one lately.

This one, there was a group of people around my age. I don't know what my age was, I don't think it was as old as I am. We were just friendly, having fun, maybe a group therapy type of thing?

I shared a room with one girl. There was this boy there, I think his name was Allen? No, I KNOW his name was Allen. Anyway. We were all messing around this one night, saying who we were "dating" and it was just a big game really. So I was "dating" Allen, and this one girl who looked so much like the girl I had this thing for... for many many many years.

Anyway, soon... Allen kills himself.
I had feelings for him in someway, obviously, he was a good friend and we hung out a lot and he was my "boyfriend" even though it was just pretend? Who knows..

Anyway.. I lose it! Totally lose it. I'm beside myself but I'm not allowed to leave this house we're all in. I don't know what the situation is.. but it's not a group therapy one.. it's different. More scary.

Somehow, I get out the front door and I'm naked aside from a dishcloth that I use to cover myself up. I'm crying, screaming, "Why?! Why did you die?! Why did you kill yourself!? Allen?!" And I'm running one way, when I hear his voice in my ear. I do, I can still hear it, "I'm still here" I can still feel it. I pause in the middle of the street. It's dark, it's empty, no one has noticed me.

But I see a figure down the street in the other direction. I start to run again in the direction I was going and saying "Allen?! Where are you?! Where?" There is this massive... dog like creature, but it's not it's got these huge bones and it seriously looks like it could eat me alive if it wanted to! It barks at me like it's telling me not to go where I am going and it's rather urgent?

Then he says that he's near the house! So I turn around and I'm running back towards that figure and sure enough it's Allen! Now, I don't KNOW any one with the first name Allen. I know some people with the last name Allen, but I know no men named Allen. So it's strange.

I get to him and I hug him, crying, asking him why he had to die and why he did that when we had all been so happy together.

But before he can answer people from the house, people that weren't part of the group that I was in force me away from him. Screaming, crying, they force me away from him.

Then starts the mad run through the house as I try and break free from these people.I want back outside, I want to find allen, I don't want to be here. Then, they start abusing me. I'm trying to run away while they're pulling me, hitting me, telling me that they're taking me upstairs so that 'he' can make me act right.

It's awful, it's scary, I'm running, hiding in these rooms that are worn down. Beat up, all sorts of dirty, empty, patched up broken walls, it's like.. slavery quarters or something. It feels like something like that, it's just not a place I want to be.

Lots of fighting, it feels like a few days of abuse, hiding, running, dodging, crying. Eventually I sneak through some hole in the wall, I cut myself on broken wood and a nail. I don't care about the pain or the bleeding. Allen isn't dead, Allen's outside waitingfor me! They notice me as I try and bolt for the back door from this staircase. The area is prettier here. Not a place I should be in, I know it. For some reason this area of the house isn't meant for someone like me?

More chasing, and eventually I make it out that back door. But I jump off the porch. And I do that flying type jump. Where you soar a bit before you touch down on the ground again just enough to jump again. And they say it "Oh no! She's jumping?!" And I know they're still wanting to get me..

I keep jumping, running, jumping type soaring thing to get away from these people. Eventually, there's that massive dog creature again. This time, I know it. I'm blocks away from the house and it's dark again, though almost daylight. The doggy thing barks, not threatening this time, and another creature is there that I think is a horse. Horse like thing, something, that gives me the feeling I should get on the back of this dog monster with bones like a dragon or just.. something. It's something powerful.

I climb on, and it's muscular, and strong, it's just this amazing creature. ((I don't even like dogs. o.O I have no idea on this!!)) It then jumps into the air and we're flying, very much flying away, when we get to our destination, which I can only describe as feeling peaceful. Allen is there! Allen is there and the horse and dog land and I rush to him.

Crying about why did he kill himself?? Why? I don't even question WHY I decided and knew to get on this dog thing and fly like that.

Allen says that I died, that he killed himself after I died, and he'd been trying to rescue me since that moment.

I was dead... somehow.. I died in that place. My body was dead but my spirit/soul was stuck and tortured? I don't know how to explain it, but he killed himself in grief when I was dead. We hugged, the moment was good, I didn't care that I was dead.. we were together.


I'm still not sure about the dream, I'm not sure who Allen is, I'm not sure why I was dead. I have no idea.. but.. there it is..

This is the second dream I've been dead in lately. Or I've died in really.

What the heck does that mean?


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