04 March, 2011

Less than happy with myself.

My grade in class right now is only a 90.28% :(

Even with edits I only managed a 85/100 on the assignment that I actually showed out here. Yikes, how awful is that I mean? That's a B... :( That's completely unacceptable self! I have to really push myself to try and get that grade back up to a decent level. I tried really hard with my assignment due today. I took extra care for all the little details. At least, in MY mind I took extra care to all the little details that I did not really pay as much attention to last time. Still, I worry that it wont be enough. What if my grade dips even lower?! I will absolutely die in a puddle of tears if I can't struggle my grade up. It's rather sickening to my stomach.

I don't know what I am going to do with myself if I don't end this class with an A. I really absolutely don't, which worries me, because I am doing my best and if my best isn't good enough. Then what? Then what'll I do?! My 4.0 will be gone and I have prided myself in my best being great enough for that A!
In ALL my classes.

Even English! I'm not the best at English. Spelling and Grammar have never been my strong point yet I passed Eng 101 with a very strong A! If I can't pass this class with even a lower end A... then what does that mean for me? :( I'm not even sure how to process this right now, I really am not. I'm shaking and so unhappy that I am having a hard time motivating myself to do my assignments even though I am so desperate to really push myself out of this slump and just GET myself good enough for that good grade. :(

To make matters worse, I had commented (being polite as possible) on someones assignment. Now, they did the assignment wrong. They just did, they didn't do what was asked for, but the drawings were beautiful and stunning none the less. So I said, well basically that. The drawings were amazing, but I wasn't sure it was exactly what was being looked for, and asked if he found it difficult to try and do what we had to do as much as I did. (Because I did find it difficult!)
He responded back with a snarky, no, that he'd been drawing this way for 40 years, and that he was "beyond doing it that way" meaning beyond doing what the assignment required. I responded with a... timid, Oh, ah.. well it can be difficult to do something you're uncomfortable with after so many years drawing can't it? I've drawn the way I do for 14 1/2 years, so I'm struggling a bit to try this way too. Still, it's good to try and do things differently for the sake of an assignment at times, right?

All he responded with was a "No."
Then a angry email where he accused me of having an attitude and some sort of issue with him??? o.O Say wha??

I responded saying no, he was mistaken that there was no tone intended, the drawings were indeed amazing but as even the teacher said, the assignment was looking for something else. I apologized for upsetting him, and sorta tried to move on from that.

I'll avoid responding to him from now own, I dunno what crawled up the old dude's arse and died there, but it stinks and I don't want to deal with it. I've got my impending awful grade to contend with at this point. :(

Yikes! Please pray that I'll be able to pull myself up to at least a 92% with this weeks assignments!!
On other notes... things aren't going too badly. We celebrated my birthday with cake and pizza this evening. Because the oldest ones went with their dad for the weekend. Youngest, BF and I will be actually doing something tomorrow to celebrate it too. Wee..

The cake was delicious, custom ordered to what I like. Chocolate cake, custard filling, chocolate whipped cream frosting, with light blue flowers and Happy Birthday K(my name). It was lovely, and rather delicious! Then pizza from Domino's and I was happy with that.

I did the dishes while BF played around with the youngest two (chasing them around), then he hung around and watched some cartoons with them while we waited for their dad to show up. After they left, he played tag with the youngest, then a couple of rounds of hide and seek.

After all that was said and done, the three of us cleaned the playroom downstairs (second living room technically, but it's the kids' playroom...) and it now looks rather fantastic. The youngest did a great job and even helped take out recycling and the garbage. Yay..

Not sure what else to say for the moment, the stress of my class and my grade right now is currently making me a bit ill. :(


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