19 March, 2011

Strange dreams when ill...

I always get nightmares, or very strange dreams when I'm not feeling well.
It appears the youngest and I are indeed going to get what the oldest three had but delayed. Hopefully, the youngest will get it weaker than the others. Hopefully, I will too.

Anyways, I ended up having the mother load of all whacked out dreams to remember last night.
A little bit of a back story, the Ex-husband came to pick up the oldest three, early, while the EX and I were working on trying to get a new alternator in my van. Because wouldn't you JUST know it, that after repairing other things it dies Tuesday morning as I'm taking the oldest two to school. Right outside of the school none the less. So I've been using the EX's van since Wednesday...

Anyway, so he's here an hour and a half earlier than normal because he got out of work an hour and half earlier than normal. Since I'm busy, I don't remember (stupidly) to make sure to pack up earring cleaning solution and cotton balls for the two big girls, as they don't have them at his house.
So after he left, oh no! I realized it! Thankfully I caught him before the freeway. But he wasn't thrilled to turn around, and gave me attitude..
Anyway.. he also gave me attitude because the oldest has a book report due next week, but had spent one week sick and forgot to mention it and I was busy dealing with three sick kids and other things... Then was doing a book report and catching up on a major project for class she'd missed in the week plus a day she'd missed of school! Ugh.. So excuse me for forgetting a book amongst all the busy things in life? More so since she did tell me earlier in the week she had one she was reading in class that would work, and didn't tell me until Thursday that she wasn't allowed to bring it home to finish reading and therefore it would do no good for her book report.

Anyway... So I felt... ugh.. unhappy about the attitude. I'm sorry, but she's old enough to try and remember me a little more and you're old enough to not be a douche just because I have a busy life and sometimes, shit doesn't happen right away. See the kids? You have them less than 4 days a month if you want to go by hours. You don't do visits when they're sick, you don't do parent teacher conferences, talent shows, musical performances all over town on various days of the week on various hours in various weather conditions. You don't pick them up, drop them off, three different times during the day for school with it being FOUR on Fridays.

You don't cook for them (your girlfriend does when they're there), do their laundry, deal with their sicknesses at all. They can be puking for hours on end and if I call and ask if you can help me while they're ill. You talk about how I wanted custody and you can't right now. You don't even call on Birthdays. You get them a gift when you finally see them again, but you don't even call on the actual day. So..

Fuck you and your damn attitude okay? You did this when we were married, and you're doing it again. I run myself into the ground some days trying to juggle it all and I generally do a great job. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and sometimes. I *GASP* forget something. I told her to look up biographical information on someone on the internet to do a report on. What else could I do considering she forgot to remind me before I left the house before I got back to it so you could pick them up to pick up a book? At that point, I didn't have the time to run over there and even then you'd have given me attitude that she'd of had to read the book over the weekend with only 5 days before the report is due. 5 days is okay, what. You expected that she'd have been able to read while spending the majority of a week (including weekend) in bed with a fever sometimes going over 102? Seriously? Kiss it....

Anyway... eventually I got over it mostly. Obviously not all the way since I was able to just vent about it so much here, but enough that I wasn't still pissed off about it last night as I was doing my homework...

So, during the night I had this crazy dream. Hah... eventually, even my rambling self can get to the point!

I was standing just inside the door of the apartment my ex husband and I used to live in. I guess I'd just dropped off the kids or something like that and we got to talking. He talked about how he still loved me and wanted to be with me and things like that. Very much like the start of our divorce even though he was the old that had taken my rings and called it over. Hmmm.. K.

For some reason, I agreed and we went to go visit his parents house. Where the kids were at this point? I couldn't honestly tell you, I didn't see them the entire dream. Anyway, something happened at his parents house and I ended up cold and sitting on this chair with my feet propped up on an ottoman. His parents weren't home by his youngest brothers were there looking a lot like they did as younger people. It's been awhile, everyone is older now and I haven't seen them in years. I'm sure they've changed lots.

Anyway, his mom comes in the room I'm in and she's got this pissed off look on her face, but doesn't speak to me. I have no idea what's up, she comes over and wordlessly rips the ottoman out from under my feet and walks away. Eventually I ask my ex-husband what's going on and he says he doesn't want to lie to me so he brings me a laptop and shows me what he wrote to his mom on the computer via email about me. All this stuff about me 'having this evil look' and 'tricking him to get back together with me' and all these other just awful things that made me want to die on the inside a little. He was the one that had wanted me back so badly and used his 'I'll just repeat myself over and over and over and over in a circle' talk to convince me of it!

Anyway, then his dad shows up and he's for sure angry. Eventually, for some reason, they all want to kill me and I'm running away with a backpack of things and the backpack is a replica of my son's green backpack. NO idea why! They're chasing me in their old SUV for a bit and I have no idea why suddenly they all want to kill me. None at all, I can't remember the exact words said before it either...

In the dream I've got crazy skills of jumping/climbing over fences and buildings and running and... honestly it was awesome. I was physically able and didn't suffer with my bad right knee and hip and usual back pain. It was... awesome!

Alright, so eventually I run and I hide in this massively huge church that basically had stadium seating and there was a lot of people there. Why a church? I have no idea, I don't even go to church, I'm only mildly religious and I'm more confused about religion than anything else. Anyway, there is a massive crowd there and I'm dodging through them like there is seriously NO tomorrow just to wave around to not be seen. When I look down at one time I can actually his mom at one point, so I keep going.

Then, I guess it was another day later, I'm still in the church trying to avoid them and for some reason I guess they went looking elsewhere because I didn't see them. But there is this children's show going on with some of the kids there (still no sight of mine, I didn't even think of it.), but I look down and oh no! There they are! So I run off and try and find my backpack which I had put in some little cabinet but I can't find it in the one I swore I put it in! So I'm looking through them like crazy, and I see a boy with the same exact backpack but it obviously is less full so it can't be mine.

Then my mom is there, standing behind some counter and she's all pissed off at me telling me I  have to stay and watch those kids' performance and doesn't care that I'm being chased despite telling her over and over 'no they're going to kill me I really have to go! I have to find my backpack I have to go!' Eventually we keep fighting but end up in this van and she'd driving like a madwoman on the freeway. Out the drivers side window shows up this massive brown UFO that when it disappear literally goes out in a puff of brown dirt/dust/smoke! People are stopping their cars and getting out to point at it as it reappears and puff disappears over and over, some other smaller ufo's with bright white lights around the edges are seen too!

There's all these people and my mom is swirving like crazy to get through them, and I'm shouting that' you have to stop! you're going to  hit them! Just pull over! please you're going to hurt someone!!' but she doesn't. Somehow, she makes it through all those people and the UFO's are still going on. Eventually we end up at this giant warehouse where people are running inside to hide as the brown UFO lands on top of it. People start screaming and not knowing what to do when one of the aliens comes down with a gun and ends up shooting at something random. (not a person)

For some reason I go forward and tell people not to hurt him and I go and put down anything I was holding on the ground and looking at the alien. I start talking to him like I talk to the cat. "Us not bad, not bad?" I looked at him and he looked at me. "Us not bad?" he said though he was nervous it seemed. I showed him I wasn't going to hurt him by holding up my hands, and he placed his gun down with my things.

Eventually he let me try it and I shot a leaf, it went away in a flash of laser-beam light actually.

Off in the not to far distance behind me/in front of my new alien friend one of the smaller lighted UFO's land, and these human looking aliens come out. They don't look 100% like humans, but very close. The alien near me goes "Is bad! Is bad!" about those aliens and those ones start attacking the humans, and then my alien guy... So more of the aliens that aren't bad come out of the brown ship and they're getting into this fight with the other aliens and....

...The youngest woke me up here.



I can't believe so many hours later I remember that!

It feels good to write it all out. I texted my oldest most of the details of the dream. I didn't go into the big long story like that because I already took 6 1/2 texts just describing what I did describe of it. Oops.

I wonder what every last aspect of the dream means? It's hard to take it apart bit by bit.. isn't it?


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