Slow in updating.

Because BF is here, which means between the kids and him I am a bit busy as far as my mental state goes.

I still went to therapy yesterday, which was nice to have someone just watching the kids that isn't the EX and it was a nice mental break to come home and not have to deal with that kind of thing. Granted the EX has been kind of a jerk with his attitude, but, thankfully he's mostly steering clear and leaving me alone.



Thank god right??

I'm a bit tired, I think sitting out here in the living room leaves me a bit tired, the lighting out here isn't the best. Perhaps I need a third lamp? Why do they design living rooms with no overhead lighting?! I hate that. >.>

I've been okay emotionally, okay not really.
I noticed that BF is far more affectionate than I am comfortable being. I'm trying to be gentle with him and not seem standoffish. I'm affectionate only when the mood allows me to be, you know? Otherwise I feel a bit tweaky and just uncomfortable.

Dr. J yesterday said she was worried that I was maybe depending on BF for my happiness and I was only happy because he was here and soon enough I'd crash. I told her no, I'm having my typical emotions and life is going on as normal. I still have the kids, I still have to clean house, I still have to make school runs, errands, doctors appointments, do homework, etc. Now I just have him along here with me to see if he can handle a day in a life and how well we work together as a team in the day to day and just.. you know. That kind of thing?

She felt better after I told her that, I do too. I guess. We didn't make much in the way of headway yesterday.

Just that I'm finally realizing that my family will never ever really own up to or care about much of the awful things they did during my childhood.

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Yesterday, as running my son to school my little brother emailed me and asked if he could come over for dinner. As he didn't want to be alone that night. Ahh, well you know what? Okay, okay I can do it. He's going through a divorce and the entire process is hard and he lives in a rather big house with just him and his dog and.. I wish he'd get help to fix all the issues our childhood gave him too. All my siblings could use some counseling yet I know I am the only one who is actually going to get it. That's rather sad.

Anyway...

I changed my dinner plans (was just gonna be hamburger helper, and salad before!) since he'd wanted to come over. So we (BF, youngest and I) went shopping and I got the things for Lasagna and it went rather well actually! I used less Ricotta/egg/cheese mix than I used to and I liked it far better. My brother and BF had seconds, brother's dog had some (yes.. that dog is super spoiled) the kids had some and we all even had some dessert.

As I was driving my brother home (he doesn't drive at night, and he's gone and lost his keys..) I dropped off the last of the Lasagna at the bar that dad was doing Karaoke at. Too bad I couldn't stay and sing.

Wish I had a 'sitter' who could come and sit in the house while the kids sleep tonight so BF and I could go and Karaoke!

-Shattered