07 January, 2011

sonna futari deshita...

That's what we were like...

Well, today wasn't really a total disaster. Aside from T getting home early that is. Though I guess that's not a disaster. More like a disturbance of my peace of mind really.
He'll be moving in a month, or two. He's never sure. He likes to change his mind on that constantly.
Drives me a bit batty it does!!

Anyway. I managed to get the other half of Laundry Mountain folded! YAY! I didn't get to the uniform clothes at all. Nor did the girls. I had to run and get only son from school, then hit up the library for a mystery book for the oldest for her book report. The school library was closed this week, and of course we don't regularly read mystery books here. Thank goodness the trip between the school and library back to home is really short!

Only Son behaved really well at the library, which I'm surprised, he has one of those loudness problems where I swear he thinks he must be loud at all times to get attention. -_-; Sadly, it gets not just good attention.  We're working on that, and he's getting better. Yay for growing up.

I still haven't done a single thing towards my homework for therapy.
Then again, I  haven't heard much positive about me that I can agree with. There is not much right now I can think of positive about me. Which is rather depressing itself.

School starts again for me on Monday.
I'm really not sure how I will handle the added stress of classes all over again. I should be able to 'manage', yet at the same time I am not sure if I CAN manage it. Not with the pain I've been having, not with my depression, the tiredness, the kids wearing me out, school wearing me out, work wearing me out, or rather work being slow and the lack of money to pay bills easily wearing me out, T wearing me out. I just feel... like if I get stretched any thinner I'll rip into tiny shreds like tissue paper caught by a cats claws!

I really didn't intend to make this entry all whining and a bit depressing. I'm sore, I'm running low on pain medication and I'm embarrassed to have to ask either dentist I've seen for more. I'm afraid that just removing one of the teeth wasn't enough. That I'll have to go and get the other pulled anyway. Which means another day long appointment clear over in another state. Okay, it's only about 35 minutes away, but still. It's not the easiest thing to find people who can handle the kids and all that. Then again... I can just do it on Friday since T now only works 3 days a week. As long as I drive myself *yikes*, and then somehow drive myself back despite being on... possibly heavy pain killers. *double yikes* I should be, okay?
I have no idea.

I don't want the kids to have to miss another day of school just because my health is having issues left and right.
Sometimes, I just want to beg someone to  help so I can get all my problems taken care of.
Yet, I have no one that I can super beg for all the help I'd need and I swear I'd need a LOT in loans just to get my problems even close to fixed. Ugh, listen to me whining. Really, is it so much to ask to not be in pain? I need dental insurance and someone to just fix all the problems. I also, would really like some of my other health problems helped with as well. :(

I also want about $1000 to just go buy whatever I want.
Things for the house.
Things for me.
Yeah, definitely things for me!

I just have to try harder.
Get used to the fact that it's not pathetic that the kids and school keep me busy.
Yet I still need to find a job I can do around both without drowning and going crazy.
Or worse, neglecting the kids and having them grow up like my siblings and I did.

This, is why I shouldn't have started school. Because things would be difficult and stressful and I wouldn't know what to do.

Okay okay! Stop that! I need to snap out of this! It, WOULD BE NICE, if I could find something that works better.
It'd be SUPER DUPER NICE if I was out of pain so that I could spend lots of time making lots of things to sell and therefore having ends be met better...


I give in, I'm taking pain meds because it hurts. :(


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