30 January, 2011


Feeling better because of the medication makes everything else seem amplified. All the issues that I didn't notice so much because the depression really had me down and unable to really concentrate and really focus on things... just explode you know?

I feel like this disgustingly flawed, bad person, like I didn't realize just how awful I was because my depression masked it and here I am this ...... I don't even know.

I don't even know who that woman in the mirror is anymore! I don't know what she wants! I don't know where she's going! I don't want to be her! Because that's not me, I look at it... at HER and I don't know her.

So, who am I then? If I'm not her, if I'm not that, if that's not me, who am I? Why am I in this body that doesn't feel like it should be mine? It can't be mine, it wasn't this way before, why is it this way? Why does she look like that? Why am I trapped in here?

I don't know this woman, I don't know if anyone knows this woman.
I am not a woman, I'm not, I don't belong in this body that is this old.
I'm just a little girl trapped in  here.

That's what I feel like, a little tiny girl, trapped in this woman's body without full understanding on where to go with it, what to do with it, how to be what should... who should.. be in it.

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