12 January, 2011

Obviously not..

I was doing okay. WAS being the key word.
What happened?

Going back to school isn't even THAT stressful because it's part time. But why does the sudden hit of everything starting up again after a break turn me into an unbearably either crying or irritable monster?! On top of the health problems I've been having lately I have another one.

Then I wake up to tons of snow falling and a warning that says "A winter storm warning for heavy snow means significant amounts of snow are expected or occurring. Snow accumulations will make travel very hazardous or impossible." Oh! But of the 20 school districts affected .. OURS isn't one of them??!

I haven't even been a driver for a full year just yet. I mean, well I have been. But not a Licensed one. Before I just had my permit. That counts, but doesn't count. This is my first year driving in snow. We had a rainy winter last year and I was so much better for it. :(

So of course I cried. I don't even know if it was worth crying over, but I couldn't control myself from just crying. Why didn't they just close it?? Why not ONE snow day while it's given THAT kind of warning?! They of course wont plow the streets for god only knows how long. Yet we have to drive on it. Just give us a snow day, or god give me a way to get away from areas that "regularly" get snow. It's going to kill me otherwise.
I don't know what else do to. I just, need, to get away from snow. I'm happier even when it rains! Rain "makes people depressed". Right?

So why does it make me feel far better than the snow does?

Sure the snow is pretty, it's nice for a short time. But quickly the novelty wears off.

Good to visit, good for a play here and there, but not good to live around.

How the heck do you move just, up and suddenly?
I need a plan, some kind of idea on how I can do that sort of thing. How how how... can I do it? :(

Even if I could just get over to near the coast. Where the snow is rare, where there is just rain to contend with. My life would be so much more peaceful.

Of course,
I haven't taken any feeling time since the 9th. Go me! Which means everything is just bubbling all over and at random. I CRIED over a video of a dancing robot!?! I mean, how is THAT even tear worthy?! It should have been something amazing but I couldn't focus because I was too busy trying NOT to cry...
So.. fine..

I'll cry.
Right now, I'll cry.
Then.. I'll go make lunch.
Then I'll brave those damn roads again...

I have to do homework for therapy still.
I haven't done a single thing on that list.

I have no ideas.

J.W says that I'm "nice.".
But with how my moods are all over the places, I don't see it right now. All I see is this emotional wreck who just can't do anything anymore.

Of course, I'm doing fantastic in school. I'm ahead on my assignments and participating.
Everything else is falling to sh*t though. Okay, well despite myself, I DID manage to make dinner last night. Which is actually a big deal considering when my moods go all crazy so does my desire to do ANYTHING.

It's a miracle I'm making it out of bed right now with how things are...

Too bad smoking it too bad for your voice... otherwise I'd probably 'self medicate' with it...

Too bad alcohol (the decently fruity flavored stuff) is too many calories to be worth it... or I'd probably 'self medicate' with it!

Actually, I did string this really angry long ass rant at poor BF last night. Only a portion of it was about something he'd done. Still he listened to me anyway.

It'd be nice if I took her advice and did something creative for my feeling time still though. I think writing here counts. Though I should look into sewing more, drawing more, that kind of stuff. I was going to yesterday, but my mood just left me incapable of wanting to get anything at all productive done after I'd finally gotten the kids to bed.

I feel better now. At least somewhat.

I may have to write again later today.

God help me get my homework done before my appointment!


PS. This video is adorable, I wish my kids were lucky enough to have a father like this in their lives..

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