09 January, 2011

Go Away!!

Stop coming in my room and acting like I care about your video games. I don't. I bought you that one for a present when we were together because I knew you'd like it. Doesn't mean I have any interest in it what so ever.
I don't like many video games.

I don't like them much on the computer.
I just don't. You should know this. We've known each other SIX YEARS. Please know this and just leave me alone.

More so, it's midnight, I am trying to enjoy my evening happily buzzed on pain killers and not in pain. I held out all day despite it feeling bad.

Blah. I am not fully sure why. I am just feeling a bit irritated this angry. Perhaps it's just pent up anger from various fights with T in the past. Perhaps it is just because I am worn out and tired of just about everything right now. I feel justified in relaxing the Saturday away. However at the same time I feel like I should have done more. I DID scour job postings for around town, though there is little that looks like I would be a good fit. Too many say that "YOU MUST HAVE A FULLY OPEN AND FLEXIBLE SCHEDULE~!" What. The. Hell?!

Why can't there be anything that fits into the life of having kids and being a student? Heck, even being a student part doesn't play into it! Because I know that despite working a job, full or part time I could force myself to work extra hard to get all my assignments done well and on time regardless of hours. It's the kids issue. The daycare's here all close at either 5:00 P.M or 6:00 P.M. Fancy telling me how that works? If I work later I'd either have to depend on T to want to take care of them (and pay him for that, since only one of the kids is his), while listening to  him yip about how he gets "no time to himself" or expect the kids to care for themselves. Hmmmmm... Wait.

That sh*t all sounds familiar doesn't it?

Oh yeah! Right! It's what happened when we were kids. We had to take care of ourselves for too many years and look where it landed us? My mother's children aren't well off and are not in good places in their lives for the most part. Ugh ugh ugh.
I don't want my kids to end up repeating the mistakes of us.

Have I said that before?

It'd really be nice for some kind of open door, or miracle right now.
I think I'll go buy a lottery ticket and pray my arse off.


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