16 June, 2011

Nerves and stresses.

Tomorrow I am getting my teeth pulled. The EX was being a jerk earlier..  so much for being nicer now that we don't talk much. He was giving me hell for my financial situation and I told him it's none of his business really if I needed help paying a bill and I am closed to max on one of my credit cards. Kids are fed, clothes are clean, rent is paid, lights are on, and they're OKAY. So what if BF had to help me pay for internet (because without it I couldn't do school??) *sigh* whatever.

Then he gave me this huge attitude on if I would have enough money to pay him for gas to take me to my appointment and back tomorrow (because even if I drove myself, how would I get back while needing massive pain killers for having two wisdom teeth pulled? Yeah.. not worth the risk of driving home from the next state over like that!). I told him I WOULD have the money and even though it took me 6 hours to earn the damn $15 bucks I DID indeed earn it so he can just chill out. He was all "are you REALLY going to earn it or are you just going to get it from J?" J = BF. I said "I'm actually working on earning it RIGHT now"

Then he was all on me about how do I know I'll even earn it on time and if he should even bother not sleeping in tomorrow because it's a day off for him and if there is no gas money there is no point and bla bla bla and I started crying then I stopped myself and just got really quiet because it really hurt that he was like that. OMG. I NEED these damn things out that is why I said I would pay for gas money and he's not even paying for me to get them taken out so it's none of his business aside from yes, taking the time to take me on his day off (I took him because he 'needed' two of his out but then didn't.. so.. okay.. favor repaid?? but nooo..).
Being out of pain in my mouth and head and shoulder because the pain radiates and hurts like a giant ass bitch because they're in so much pain would be a REALLY good thing don't you know it?

I mean, if I had an option of asking someone else and having it be easy.. that's be a different thing all together. *sigh* Anyway, I got the money, and told him but he hasn't responded. Gah. I just want this done and over with.

It's so late, and my final is due Saturday but I am going to be drugged up on pain meds and just in a massive world of wonkiness. Which means right now I need to get my start and then PRAY on whatever there is to pray on in the universe that I can get this thing done and WELL by the end of Saturday and get this class done and happily enjoy my 8 1/2 week break..

So... I'm nervous about getting two wisdom teeth out, insanely so. @_@ Last time my mouth was in so much pain and I could hardly open my jaw for a couple of weeks! That was the left hand side and that was ONLY one tooth, not too. Yikes! I also need to have them look at two of my front teeth and see if they are even worth saving or if I will need another visit and a set of partial dentures because they're in absolute horrid condition! Purely horrid condition. I was not raised with very good hygiene practices. Dental or otherwise! On top of that I am absolutely cursed with weak teeth by genetics (ugh thank you sperm donor 'dad'!).

Blessedly all of the kids have had it better than me teeth wise! I tell them to brush, floss, and do it because if they don't they could very well suffer as much as me and they don't want that and nor do I. For the most part.. they appear to be listening. Aside from a couple of minor cavities in my oldest from her teeth being really close together (like mine) and from not flossing (my bad.. when she was younger I didn't really think of it.. since it was never pushed in my family... actually not much was....), she had a couple of tiny ones. But nothing near as horrific as what I've had since I was little by a long shot! I pray to keep it that way!


On an entirely different topic.

I worry that my 'being okay' with BF's working hours means that I don't love him as much anymore as I did before? Does that make sense? His schedule is crazy as! It's never the same because he works 'Casual' at a grocery. Casual isn't part time though, I'm not even sure what it would be considered here in the states. Maybe it's just an Australian thing? No idea, I could just be completely clueless on the thing! Anyway. Like I said, schedule never the same. Sometimes he'll have LOTS of shifts and then on his first day off they call him in and I will admit I am a bit like "agh but I need you too!" but at the same time I am getting to the point where I can say "I wish you could say no, but.. I know that it's good that they want to give you hours. Anything to get you here by December."

Is this good? Or is this bad?? I have no idea. It's scary. I don't know how normal of a thing it is, but I am scared that it means I don't love him and I have no idea.

Shit.. that sounds silly doesn't it?

I miss him, he's at work right now. He gets off in an hour and 11 minutes unless they keep him extra time. Which I suppose they could... I hope not! I'll be up at least a couple of hours while I get to work on my final! @_@;

I think, during my 8 1/2 week break. I really ought to look further into planning our wedding!!

1/2/12! I can't wait!


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