27 December, 2010

Writing just to write..

I did singing for feeling time really. It felt good, and I suppose it falls under the 'doing something artistic' category. Right?

I decided, why not? And took the chance to post a video of myself singing on YouTube. Scary. I have it set so that I can moderate comments. I'll just throw away anything from anyone who decides they want to be a giant jerk. Which I realize is about 95% of those who actually comment on YouTube. Hopefully, what little self esteem I have is able to handle it enough to at least roll my eyes and click delete for the comment.

Yes, perhaps that is not allowing to be shown what people want to show. However, I feel like I should have the right to not post people being general dirt bags for the sake of being some faceless prick. If I actually want to ever go anyplace in the world and have people recognize me. I need to be able to say "eh whatever" and *plug ears* 'la la la' out the people who are general negatives about what I want to do.... Right?

Well, wish me luck that people will generally not suck too bad. Or that I will get to the point where I truly wont care either way and people can just think what they want.
I should listen to the motto "what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business". You know, that is a REALLY hard feeling to subscribe to... Considering I constantly worry about what other people think in more or less everything I do. Meh. My low self esteem REALLY REALLY makes like difficult at times.

I really need just an ego boost, and a bit of "who gives a flying fark?!" attitude adjustment to make it through this life. Not everyone is going to like everything I am, everything I do, and I really just need to surround myself with those who do and those who can. Forgetting all the rest. They wont be the ones there to share in all my moments and wont be the ones who will miss me when I am gone. I should care about those who will...

Huh, seems I had more to write about than I thought I did. Go figure.

I have an appointment on Wednesday. Two days.
I wonder what J.W will want to talk about this time...?


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