14 July, 2011


Today has been, wow.. intense.
The oldest had an emotional... I don't even know what to call it, at the girls having to clean their room. She's not even sure what it was all about, or why it was all about.. but there it was.

She had a doctors appointment today, and I had therapy.. So did three of them. Yet again her therapist didn't show up. Joyous.

I'm completely and totally worn out.
I just.. RE-realized that I am almost out of my medication, and a part of me says ... don't bother with them anymore.

I'm frustrated, sad, and having trouble sleeping.

I feel so isolated on my own problems, and now even with the ones that are finally confirmed my son has. Of all people to be all 'don't medicate him it's bs' my stoned ass brother said it.

It's just.. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts. I feel isolated on so many levels, and amazingly.. .the only in real life support I have is the EX.
I am thankful for that, and I know that I should not... or it'd be nice if I didn't.. but I still wish Ex-h would be supportive.. or.. even.. that well some of my family would be supportive.

Don't hold your breath huh?
The kids slept in today, we barely woke up with enough time to get to the doctors office and do the oldest's yearly check-up. She got a shot, found out her height and weight.. and got kind of 'scolded' for the kids only having had a granola bar for breakfast. Give me a break, we'd only been up for 20 minutes before the appointment, it was a miracle I got anything for them with how it takes us to get out the door.

Of course, by the time we got home it was noon, so we had lunch anyway...

Well, the kids did.
I haven't been eating well, or sleeping well.. or just in general well.

Another thing I shouldn't care about?
My 'followers' went from 16 to 15. How lame it is that I care about that? Okay.. I do.. I wonder who decided they'd rather not read my stuff anymore. I... feel a bit hurt by that..
It's that.. rejection..

I feel rejected by something like that..
and I'm close to crying now.



  1. Hi Shattered

    I wouldn't worry about your followers, sometimes people just stop blogging for whatever reason, maybe they are going through something difficult and can't follow blogs anymore. I'm sure it's not personal (-: But most of us bloggers feel the same and get sad. I lost a follower too, maybe it's the same person?

    Take care of you and the kiddlies xx

  2. I hope the followers have gone back up again because I am following you now. I will read through and get to know you and will be back soon. As for the above, I think we are all in the very same boat! Speak again soon. x Pixie