16 August, 2011

Stuffed up

I realize, that is what Cymbalta does.
It mostly stuffs up my ability to cry, or get easily upset when someone (ex's, people in general) try and say things to hurt my feelings.

Or they yell at me.

It stuffs it up, I feel.. neutral. There is no need for crying, or getting mad. It's just. Whatever.
Is that a NORMAL thing to feel?
I am so used to being upset SO SO easily, that not being upset SO easily.. is...
Beyond me really.

Or I'll feel hurt, but there wont be that insane flood of tears and chaos.

Of course, I thought maybe I was just doing better. So I tried not taking my meds.

Hahahaha, it was okay the first day. Come the second? Oh yeah, that overly emotional BS self came back, and I felt like hell. It made working this part time job I got here at home.. pretty much unbearable. I sat there and cried while on the phone, but still forced a smile to my face and made it through calls. I got my meds in my system but they took a little.

I guess I have to be on these forever??
I don't want to be.

I want to feel happier though. On top of it all. I want to be able to feel happiness and not just this.. Meh. Who cares feeling.

What do I do? :(
I guess I'll have to go back and look at different meds and finding out how you even wean off of Cymbalta?
I don't even know anymore..

On another note, I've managed to keep this job a week and a day now. Woo? I HAVE wanted to quit. The day that my body and my emotions were hell from being off my meds, I thought I'm not doing this anymore!! NO MORE!!

Yet I did anyway.

I made it back the next day, and okay. I can manage, somehow. I will make it through this and be okay.

I start school again in two days.

Lets see if this mess of myself.. can even survive it!

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