03 August, 2011

But what about ME?!

I want someone to focus on me.
You know?
Someone OVER the age of 18. Someone who just wants to fuss over my well being. I'm stressed out and worn thin worried about my son and the kids in general and the youngest has been up my ass for attention this entire week and asks me MULTIPLE times a day when her siblings will be home.
Yes, I know she misses them, and yes I am trying to keep her occupied and not leave her alone but holy hell I can't even go bathroom without her wanting to come and talk.

"What are you doing mommy? Are you going to the bathroom? Can I come in?"
FFS!! You're 5, let me go bathroom and get SOME time alone or something!
Of course when I TRY and get time out of the house without one of the kids the EX ends up calling me every few minutes.

He seriously said "So if I call and you don't answer, what do I say? Mommy doesn't love you?"

Seriously?! I mean, HELLS! I spend soooooooo much damn time with them and JUST them, how do you even get off saying that?! You can go days without seeing your own flesh and blood and wont even talk to her or ask me about her. So if I want 2 hours alone with my family not worrying about what parenting shit I have to do I don't love her?

FFS, I just want someone to come, clean the house up so I can get a fresh start, make me dinner, rub the knots and pain out of my back, and just.. in general come and pamper me a bit. I'm tired of being one doing it all. I am not doing well with this single parent thing with no one else living in the house but the kids. I try, but holy shit, I just want to run and hide someplace and to be left alone.

I want someone to bake me cookies too.
It's hot, I want air conditioning as well. It sucks when it's 86*F inside. It really really does.

Yes, I had to rant because I just feel... overwhelmed with so much in life right now I want to cry and scream and kick!


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