12 September, 2011

Nightmares abound

I'm sorry I've been so quiet, life has just been really busy since my son started PSR, we have therapy on Thursdays, aside from the oldest who has it on Fridays. The kids all started school and I have gone a 'little' crazy with enjoying the me time I get now that even the youngest is in school 3 hours a day!

On top of that, I've had this cold/flu thing that has been bogging me down, and anyplace from 6-9 homework assignments every week! So I've been a bit overwhelmed with lots of life.

On top of that, when I am sick I get the most insane nightmares/dreams that feel SO REAL I can't help but dwell on them after I wake up. Trying to analyze each little piece and the thing as a whole to see if there is SOMETHING within there that I need to be paying attention to in order to change something within my life and myself in order to make things... well... more in sync and peaceful?

Take for instance the dream I had the other night, my second daughter wanted to move in with her dad and his girlfriend, who suddenly had lost a good 200lbs, dyed her hair dark, straightened it's poodle-y fluffy craziness and was gangsta! Then they wanted to kill me for some reason and it was just absolutely nuts.

Last nights... I am still not sure, it involved the laundry room of the apartment building I lived in for many many years, and a lot of things that 'were mine' but weren't things that I ever really had, just things that I've REALLY REALLY wanted over the years. Perhaps it's a sign that I should just allow myself some things that I really want, make some peace with my past, and try and enjoy life more?

There was also this female cat, with kittens. One kitten was pure white, they were all these long haired cats. Reminds me of the cat that died in my arms when I was pregnant with my oldest, at least somewhat. Since the rest were the beautiful tortoise shell type colors he was, but he also had a white tummy area. I loved that cat..

Anyway, the white one had this injury on it's right leg, about in the middle, a hole that at first just looked a little agitated.. but eventually was very puss-y (not 'pussy' as in puss, with lots of it?) and bloody, and it was awful. However for some reason there was nothing I could do, it was the middle of the night and I didn't know what an emergency vet could do? So I resorted to caring for it myself, and then making sure to feed the cats and promising to come in there and feed them every day even though I live a good 45 minutes away from there now, in a different state and city entirely..

I'm still not sure what it all means..
I wish I had some clue though..


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