Not BF this time, actually it's me. I have another infected tooth, and somehow need to come up with $350 so that I can get a root canal done on it. That is the cheapest place local, and the cost to have it just removed and get a denture is about the same. So.. I guess I'd rather go with the low-income clinic and get the root canal. Honestly, if it was a tooth further back I wouldn't do it, but since it's one of the ones in the front.. Well, what can I do? I want it done, because the pain is driving me nuts.
I was in so much pain I got a total of four hours with a few minutes of sleep. That was it. I was up and trying whatever I could to stop the pain. I actually called the low income dentist to see how fast they could get me in. Luckily, there was a cancellation so they got me in for an exam today. I am in need of a fair few fillings, and found out.. of all things, they can pull my last wisdom tooth. Funny that before they said they couldn't? But now they can.. then again that was over the phone and perhaps they did not understand the situation. Still... they're cheaper even than the place I was using before.
Sadly, they do not take the little 'CareCredit' card thing I got. Which is a bummer needless to say!
So.. somehow?? I have to come up with $300. Great, I'm stressing bills as is, but I need my mouth to feel better because the pain is severely limiting my functioning when it destroys my sleep so completely!
So, I got a prescription for Antibiotics, they help make the pain not as bad... somehow. I am not sure why, but it works somewhat.
I also managed to call and get a month of samples of my Cymbalta while I wait for Ginger (lady who manages my free meds from the company that makes em..) to get the approval from R (who prescribes my meds) to go ahead and get me another 4 month supply or whatever I get I don't flipping know.
It was good to take a dose of meds today that was a complete dose. Though I am still paying the price of hurting myself. I am lucky my nails are FINALLY growing long, yet I hurt myself with them on purpose without realizing I am doing it and it's frustrating. I don't want to cut them off, I've wanted my nails to grow for YEARS now.
I am a fair bit extremely crazy stressed.
What is a good part time job to do when you do not handle people well? All I am finding is fast food and call center type work. Which is all work with a lot of contact with people. Even through the phone it's extremely hard! Night Janitor doesn't work because no one would be home with the children. Ideally I'd like to find something I can do during the hours they'd all be at school, or even find one that takes up hours that means that the youngest would need some kind of care the first half of the day until school starts. Whatever it is, I'd prefer not to have to work before they have school, or after. So, yes, I want to be limited to a job that wants me from I guess 9:30am to no later than 3PM. That's.. well hell I'd only manage part time anyway. I just need SOMETHING. Before I end up with us all living in my van.
Okay, no, that wont happen.
But I seriously do not know what to do with myself. @_@;
Maybe I could manage something like.. stock room or door greeter at Walmart. Something that doesn't.. I don't know, really require having to attempt to go out of my way serving people who will give me those looks. I got so many of those looks, that voice, that eyeroll. The one week I managed at McDonalds. Oh man, 20 minute-ish computer training and they threw me to the sharks on register!! I wasn't happy with that, at all. I was to ill-prepared and people could be so bitchy.
Blah!!
I can't sleep. I tried, but I couldn't shut down my brain. Still can't.
What AM I going to do with myself?
20 July, 2011
19 July, 2011
Uggghhhh
Still sick,
It's been getting so hot that the house has been heating up to 83. I wish we had air conditioning. Yeesh, 83 is not a good indoor temperature.
A good temperature for both indoors and out is a nice 76. That's my happy temperature, 76, with a gentle breeze. But I know that's not hot enough to warm up water.
Then again, it's not like I can go to the lake feeling so ill!
The youngest and I are alone a week again.
The house is always so strange when it's just the two of us. All this space and stuff and two people, it feels so awkward.
We ended up cleaning their bathroom downstairs today. I went down there to cool off (much cooler down there when it's super hot up here!), and then had to use the toilet. Then I realized "fucking gods, this place is nasty!" So out came the Clorox wipes, trash bag, and broom to really make the place look far better.
I guess you never realize how bad a room can get if you rarely use it. I don't really go down there and invade their area enough to actually USE the downstairs toilet when there are 2 up here on the main level after all.
ugh..
my teeth hurt..
too much to write now..
gods I'm falling apart
-Shattered
It's been getting so hot that the house has been heating up to 83. I wish we had air conditioning. Yeesh, 83 is not a good indoor temperature.
A good temperature for both indoors and out is a nice 76. That's my happy temperature, 76, with a gentle breeze. But I know that's not hot enough to warm up water.
Then again, it's not like I can go to the lake feeling so ill!
The youngest and I are alone a week again.
The house is always so strange when it's just the two of us. All this space and stuff and two people, it feels so awkward.
We ended up cleaning their bathroom downstairs today. I went down there to cool off (much cooler down there when it's super hot up here!), and then had to use the toilet. Then I realized "fucking gods, this place is nasty!" So out came the Clorox wipes, trash bag, and broom to really make the place look far better.
I guess you never realize how bad a room can get if you rarely use it. I don't really go down there and invade their area enough to actually USE the downstairs toilet when there are 2 up here on the main level after all.
ugh..
my teeth hurt..
too much to write now..
gods I'm falling apart
-Shattered
16 July, 2011
There goes that plan
My 'plan of attack' for the day was to clean, sew lots, let the kids play outside.
Thinking that I was starting to feel better, only to wake up with so much sinus pressure that all of the teeth on the top of my head feel like they are going to explode into tiny little pieces of evilness. My voice is funny, my head is all congested and feels like hell.
I just want to go sleep, but I have no one to watch the kids. *whimper*
I asked the EX, but he's going to go take a nap because he had to wake up at 9:30 for a work call. *sigh*
Of course, I don't really know anyone else I trust enough to have them come into the house for a time while I sleep. No.. not even my mom. Sorry to say, sure I did manage to ask her over once. But that was once in the past 3 1/2 years that I've done so.
Instead, I believe I will just go and be a zombie on the couch. Eventually, I'll put the cat in the bathroom, lounge by the front door, and let the kids.. play on the grass or something. Gah, if only the back yard was accessible through the house. Then I could just toss them outside to play and I could lounge within viewing distance far more easily. Or.. you know, have the front yard be fenced. Bleh.
Yes, I am whining, I'm a touch jealous of all the times I've tended to sick kids as much as possible.. when I remember back to my childhood and it didn't happen. I want that now... someone to care enough to dote on my at least a little right now.
-Shattered
Thinking that I was starting to feel better, only to wake up with so much sinus pressure that all of the teeth on the top of my head feel like they are going to explode into tiny little pieces of evilness. My voice is funny, my head is all congested and feels like hell.
I just want to go sleep, but I have no one to watch the kids. *whimper*
I asked the EX, but he's going to go take a nap because he had to wake up at 9:30 for a work call. *sigh*
Of course, I don't really know anyone else I trust enough to have them come into the house for a time while I sleep. No.. not even my mom. Sorry to say, sure I did manage to ask her over once. But that was once in the past 3 1/2 years that I've done so.
Instead, I believe I will just go and be a zombie on the couch. Eventually, I'll put the cat in the bathroom, lounge by the front door, and let the kids.. play on the grass or something. Gah, if only the back yard was accessible through the house. Then I could just toss them outside to play and I could lounge within viewing distance far more easily. Or.. you know, have the front yard be fenced. Bleh.
Yes, I am whining, I'm a touch jealous of all the times I've tended to sick kids as much as possible.. when I remember back to my childhood and it didn't happen. I want that now... someone to care enough to dote on my at least a little right now.
-Shattered
15 July, 2011
Sick
My throat is in agony. I am not sure if I have finally somehow got the strep that the kids had at the start of the summer/a bit ago..
Or.. if I am just.. Sick!
I am absolutely a bit confused on it.
Either way, I feel post nasal drip, and my voice is 'going the way of the dinosaurs'. My stomach doesn't hurt too much, but I should be on my monthly 'woman week'. Or, something, considering the spotting. I have no idea, I can't even tell.
It took me forever to feel tired enough to go to sleep considering my throat.
I used to suffer from strep often, actually I had it so much that I wanted my tonsils out, but had been told that I was 'too old', because I was 17 when I asked for it to be done again.
Of course, when I reported that to a doctor years later at 21, they looked at me like I had grown another head and said that if I persistantly get something wrong with my tonsils, being 21 was not 'too old' to have them removed, and therefore there was no way that 17 was.
Was the other doctor just lazy? I have no idea.
Either way, I was lucky that the kids slept in enough to not wake me until 10. Thankfully... today is a lazy day where there is nothing going on due to 1. I have to wait from 8am to 5pm at home anyway, since I decided to re-have my home-phone hooked up. And... since it was only $8 more a month to do so... have the cable put back on too. It means I can watch all my favorite baking/cake challenge type shows again.
I've decided, that my current job being a guide for the search company 'ChaCha' is just not paying enough. I can sit there for hours and maybe make $5. No, I can't do it.
So instead I will go back to my dread 'on the phone' job, where I only get paid for the minutes on the phone.. but.. if I end up actually talking for 30 minutes in one hour, I make $7.50 instead of working back to back with ChaCha and maybe making $1.50! Heck, I could easily work my usual 2-3 hours, and at $7.50 make $22.5 only actually talking to people for 90 minutes of that, instead of working almost back to back on ChaCha and maybe making $5
I just have to get over my complete loathing of how awful people can be when they're calling in to order various things off of infomercials. It will.. absolutely take a lot of mental strength and energy, but.. I am determined to do my best. I cannot keep going the way I am going. I am absolutely sick to my stomach with having so little money that I am hardly scraping by every month.
Wish me luck! Once school starts again come August 18th... my load of things to do will be amped.. up a bit. Still, if I can manage even an hour, even of I can only manage to make sure I make $15 a day.. It is FAR better... than what I am managing now!
------
Someone super sweet commented on my last post (actually two super sweet people did, but I am talking about this one specific one) and said she followed me and hoped that my followers went back up. Oddly enough? The number hasn't gone up, nor do I see their name on the list. o.O Maybe.. I haven't lost anyone, but blogger is just messing with my head.
Mean mean blogger!
-Shattered
Or.. if I am just.. Sick!
I am absolutely a bit confused on it.
Either way, I feel post nasal drip, and my voice is 'going the way of the dinosaurs'. My stomach doesn't hurt too much, but I should be on my monthly 'woman week'. Or, something, considering the spotting. I have no idea, I can't even tell.
It took me forever to feel tired enough to go to sleep considering my throat.
I used to suffer from strep often, actually I had it so much that I wanted my tonsils out, but had been told that I was 'too old', because I was 17 when I asked for it to be done again.
Of course, when I reported that to a doctor years later at 21, they looked at me like I had grown another head and said that if I persistantly get something wrong with my tonsils, being 21 was not 'too old' to have them removed, and therefore there was no way that 17 was.
Was the other doctor just lazy? I have no idea.
Either way, I was lucky that the kids slept in enough to not wake me until 10. Thankfully... today is a lazy day where there is nothing going on due to 1. I have to wait from 8am to 5pm at home anyway, since I decided to re-have my home-phone hooked up. And... since it was only $8 more a month to do so... have the cable put back on too. It means I can watch all my favorite baking/cake challenge type shows again.
I've decided, that my current job being a guide for the search company 'ChaCha' is just not paying enough. I can sit there for hours and maybe make $5. No, I can't do it.
So instead I will go back to my dread 'on the phone' job, where I only get paid for the minutes on the phone.. but.. if I end up actually talking for 30 minutes in one hour, I make $7.50 instead of working back to back with ChaCha and maybe making $1.50! Heck, I could easily work my usual 2-3 hours, and at $7.50 make $22.5 only actually talking to people for 90 minutes of that, instead of working almost back to back on ChaCha and maybe making $5
I just have to get over my complete loathing of how awful people can be when they're calling in to order various things off of infomercials. It will.. absolutely take a lot of mental strength and energy, but.. I am determined to do my best. I cannot keep going the way I am going. I am absolutely sick to my stomach with having so little money that I am hardly scraping by every month.
Wish me luck! Once school starts again come August 18th... my load of things to do will be amped.. up a bit. Still, if I can manage even an hour, even of I can only manage to make sure I make $15 a day.. It is FAR better... than what I am managing now!
------
Someone super sweet commented on my last post (actually two super sweet people did, but I am talking about this one specific one) and said she followed me and hoped that my followers went back up. Oddly enough? The number hasn't gone up, nor do I see their name on the list. o.O Maybe.. I haven't lost anyone, but blogger is just messing with my head.
Mean mean blogger!
-Shattered
14 July, 2011
Exhaustion
Today has been, wow.. intense.
The oldest had an emotional... I don't even know what to call it, at the girls having to clean their room. She's not even sure what it was all about, or why it was all about.. but there it was.
She had a doctors appointment today, and I had therapy.. So did three of them. Yet again her therapist didn't show up. Joyous.
I'm completely and totally worn out.
I just.. RE-realized that I am almost out of my medication, and a part of me says ... don't bother with them anymore.
I'm frustrated, sad, and having trouble sleeping.
I feel so isolated on my own problems, and now even with the ones that are finally confirmed my son has. Of all people to be all 'don't medicate him it's bs' my stoned ass brother said it.
It's just.. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts. I feel isolated on so many levels, and amazingly.. .the only in real life support I have is the EX.
I am thankful for that, and I know that I should not... or it'd be nice if I didn't.. but I still wish Ex-h would be supportive.. or.. even.. that well some of my family would be supportive.
Don't hold your breath huh?
The kids slept in today, we barely woke up with enough time to get to the doctors office and do the oldest's yearly check-up. She got a shot, found out her height and weight.. and got kind of 'scolded' for the kids only having had a granola bar for breakfast. Give me a break, we'd only been up for 20 minutes before the appointment, it was a miracle I got anything for them with how it takes us to get out the door.
Of course, by the time we got home it was noon, so we had lunch anyway...
Well, the kids did.
I haven't been eating well, or sleeping well.. or just in general well.
Another thing I shouldn't care about?
My 'followers' went from 16 to 15. How lame it is that I care about that? Okay.. I do.. I wonder who decided they'd rather not read my stuff anymore. I... feel a bit hurt by that..
It's that.. rejection..
I feel rejected by something like that..
and I'm close to crying now.
-Shattered
The oldest had an emotional... I don't even know what to call it, at the girls having to clean their room. She's not even sure what it was all about, or why it was all about.. but there it was.
She had a doctors appointment today, and I had therapy.. So did three of them. Yet again her therapist didn't show up. Joyous.
I'm completely and totally worn out.
I just.. RE-realized that I am almost out of my medication, and a part of me says ... don't bother with them anymore.
I'm frustrated, sad, and having trouble sleeping.
I feel so isolated on my own problems, and now even with the ones that are finally confirmed my son has. Of all people to be all 'don't medicate him it's bs' my stoned ass brother said it.
It's just.. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts. I feel isolated on so many levels, and amazingly.. .the only in real life support I have is the EX.
I am thankful for that, and I know that I should not... or it'd be nice if I didn't.. but I still wish Ex-h would be supportive.. or.. even.. that well some of my family would be supportive.
Don't hold your breath huh?
The kids slept in today, we barely woke up with enough time to get to the doctors office and do the oldest's yearly check-up. She got a shot, found out her height and weight.. and got kind of 'scolded' for the kids only having had a granola bar for breakfast. Give me a break, we'd only been up for 20 minutes before the appointment, it was a miracle I got anything for them with how it takes us to get out the door.
Of course, by the time we got home it was noon, so we had lunch anyway...
Well, the kids did.
I haven't been eating well, or sleeping well.. or just in general well.
Another thing I shouldn't care about?
My 'followers' went from 16 to 15. How lame it is that I care about that? Okay.. I do.. I wonder who decided they'd rather not read my stuff anymore. I... feel a bit hurt by that..
It's that.. rejection..
I feel rejected by something like that..
and I'm close to crying now.
-Shattered
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